If you ask women what qualities they seek in a man, inevitably the conversation turns to chemistry. Women say they know immediately whether there is that magical spark or not. But what is chemistry?
Here's what I get as a response:
Dating
- Chemistry is ha cha cha, spoken in a breathy voice
- It's sparks and electricity
- It's excitement and desire
- It's an attraction that sizzles
- It makes you melt
- It's the stuff that sells romance novels
So, what do all these descriptions have in common? Sex. Yup, that's what chemistry is really about. It's an intense sexual attraction that pulls two people together for an experience beyond the rational, thinking mind. Without it, there isn't "real" love, at least that's what the media would have you believe.
Chemistry is exciting, magical, fast paced, and cannot be denied. Or can it? Let's take a look at both sides of chemistry to understand the advantages and drawbacks. After all, if so many women are willing to let chemistry dictate their relationship choices, it might be helpful to examine what's behind this mysterious driving force.
Advantage #1
With chemistry, you can count on a passionate sex life that rivals any Danielle Steele novel. Whether it's steamy, sweet, or tender, you know it will be fantastic, highly memorable, and leave you breathless, wanting more.
Advantage #2
Chemistry is exciting and you feel incredibly alive with an electric-like passion. Often, the chemistry relationship falls into one of two camps; 1) Contact is limited for because he's married, lives far away, you met him on vacation, etc. or 2) The relationship is established with lightening speed. Either way, the pairing is dramatic.
Advantage #3
Chemistry is richly romantic and feels like love; the swept off your feet variety. Every woman dreams of finding a romantic partner who appears magically like a knight in shining armor riding a white horse.
OK - go get a glass of cold water before moving on to the drawbacks.
Drawback #1
Chemistry often overwhelms and clouds a person's better judgment. The magnetic attraction can be compared the classic story of the moth drawn to the flame. And what happens to the moth when it gets too close? The moth gets burned!
Many women admit they found chemistry with men who are "bad boys." These men can be romance junkies who love the chase, but disappear when the discussions start. Bad boys are terribly fun, but emotionally unavailable and even commitment phobic. They are exciting, but not interested in long-term relationships.
When you know a man is bad for you, regardless of how right it feels when you're together, you are probably the victim of bad boy chemistry. One clear sign is if you notice yourself saying "I just can't help it."
Drawback #2
People often mistake chemistry for love. But jumping ahead into great sex may result in intimacy that's limited. So many times there just isn't any foundation beyond sizzling attraction and when that fades - there's not much left to work with. Solid long-term relationships are built on getting to know each other through a variety of shared experiences. And that takes time and a partner with similar values and goals, who is willing to work through the inevitable relationship bumps.
Drawback #3
While I'm all for romance, the idea that prince charming will suddenly ride into your life and sweep you off your feet is unlikely. Through talking to hundreds of women it's become obvious that wildly romantic men are often in love with falling in love and can't manage to progress beyond the first stages of dating.
Set your sights on a man who can go the distance rather than someone who lavishes you with wine, roses and sweet talk. You'll be a lot happier in the long run and save yourself the heartache of trying to understand why the guy said so many wonderful things and then just disappeared.
Overall, most women reluctantly admit that using chemistry as the sole factor for selecting a man hasn't served them well. This choice leads them astray into relationships that have broken their hearts and been highly disappointing.
Attraction Is Very Important
Don't get me wrong. Attraction is a very important part of any budding romance. The discussion here is about using chemistry as the bench mark for selecting which man to spend time with. Instead of relying on sexual attraction that probably harkens back to prehistoric times meant to ensure the survival of the species, think about all the qualities that will make for a loving partnership.
If you meet a nice guy who appears to have many of the qualities you desire, but falls a bit short on chemistry, cut him some slack. Get to know him better so you can appreciate who he really is and discover the kind of attraction that builds with time. For a lasting loving partnership, consider kissing chemistry goodbye, and instead assessing prospects based on qualities that have more meaning for the long haul.
The Downside of Chemistry in Dating
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